Sunday, June 28, 2015

A Most Distasteful Custom

From time to time in our Lord’s most beloved Church, some do fall into most abominable and lamentable sins, most especially the use of such devilry known as “wifi” at the Salt Palace Convention Center. If you have found yourself guilty of such error, I urge you to repent and return to the Lord who is slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love.  A proper Liturgy of Commination has been most skillfully crafted by my colleague, the ever earnest and capable Rev’d Sir Felix Coverdale.

But, dear reader, even more pernicious practices have been discovered at the General Convention of the Episcopal Church. Certain Romish customs have been reported to me during celebrations of the Holy Communion. I have not seen such mischief with my waking eyes, but I certainly trust the sources which have informed me of this injurious idolatry. 

Parents, only with careful discretion should you let your children continue reading this epistle. The purity of soul that you cherish in your beloved offspring might be eternally corrupted. Indeed, I pen these words with trembling hand; it has been reported that the celebrants at the Holy Communion have donned chasubles, those most distasteful garments worn by some who have been enticed by vain and fondly invented popish customs.

If you do not know what a chasuble is, give thanks to the Lord for his everlasting mercy. Furthermore, to preserve the purity of the Church and to safeguard ourselves against such popery, it is incumbent upon all Deputies, Bishops, and Visitors to General Convention to return to the godly and sober practice of Morning and Evening Prayer. 

Rev'd Sir Christohper Trychay is the Vicar of St. George's, Morebath

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